you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
