I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
