Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
