You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
