sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
