i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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