i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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