smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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