Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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