Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i will never coherently bang her
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
