I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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