Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
