There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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