one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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