Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
