So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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