we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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