I'm really into asian looking animals
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
