Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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