After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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