After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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