Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
