I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You took a bar mat shot.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
