yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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