I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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