Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
