He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My nipple is on Facebook.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
