Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
