yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
as a side note pls kill me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
