Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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