I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
