brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want her autograph on my taint
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
