I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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