apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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