I want to have your abortion
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
