so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
