Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
