I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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