Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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