I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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