I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
last night I used snow as a chaser
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
