she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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