I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
