Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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