Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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