Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
