I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
