I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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