my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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