you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
